Not the networking with business cards and firm handshakes and “so what do you do.” The other kind. The better kind.
There’s something that happens in a bathhouse or a sauna that doesn’t really happen anywhere else. People talk. Genuinely talk. Strangers, sitting together in heat, and somehow the conversation just flows — TV series, ice bathing, some guy doing a stretch you’ve never seen before and you just have to ask about it.
I’ve experienced this in Finland. You sit down, the heat does its thing, and at some point someone says something or does something interesting and that’s it — you’re talking. No agenda, no networking strategy, no LinkedIn connection request waiting at the end of it. Just two people in a room, sweating, with nowhere else to be.
What makes it work is what I’d call the “fuck it” mentality. You’re stripped of everything that usually holds a conversation back — no suit, no title, no phone to hide behind. You’re just a person. The other guy is just a person. You’ll probably never see each other again anyway, so why not just… connect? The usual social armor doesn’t really work when you’re both sitting there in nothing but a towel.
The people you meet tend to be open, outgoing, wide-minded. Maybe that’s just who bathhouses attract. Or maybe the environment brings it out of people. Probably both.
And the topics that come up — stretching in the sauna, ice bathing, a show you’ve both been watching — they sound simple but they open doors. You learn how someone thinks, what they’re into, how they move through life. A conversation about calisthenics in a sauna can go a lot of places if you let it.
That said — and this matters — it’s all about reading the room. Some people are there to talk, some are there for the silence. Common sense goes a long way. Respect the space, respect the vibe, and don’t force it. The best conversations happen naturally anyway.
For New Yorkers, bathhouses are hidden gems for exactly this reason. In a city where everyone is busy, distracted, and guarded, the bathhouse is one of the few places where the walls come down a little. You’re not performing anything. You’re just there.
And sometimes, just being there is enough to meet someone worth knowing.
